There are those people in our lives that we call family. We are linked to them through common DNA.  The end result is that we are as stuck with them as they are with us. And while I love my family dearly, despite how drastically different we are from one another, I cannot sometimes help but wonder if family really is as critical as we make it out to. Family supposedly can not be replaced, they are the only ones you can be ugly in front of, shout at, take things out on, lay your burdens upon and then still receive a hug and a kiss and an I love you. Is that so, is it how it really works. Do we all love each other? Is it all always ok in the presence of family? because if seeing each other at our best and worst is the criteria, then my family has grown significantly larger lately. I have a great groups of friend that I can cry and laugh with, be ugly or dolled up, can have fun with and be honest with. Its not really so different. I suppose though that all strong relationships function in this regard, and that includes marriages and relationships with your children.

We go through life with so many various relationships. Perhaps there are layers to us, and I am certain that we end up with those who we can use/need to find out more about ourselves. But within this process we also make many choice, commit many acts, say many things, and when we care significantly about the well being of others, especially those who have impacted our lives, I like to think that is altruistic. The thought that we choose to do something or think something only for ourselves bothers me significantly. Though, in some cases the trickle down affect may play a role – it may make us feel good to see the reaction on some ones face when we do something nice – but did we do it to feel good, or because we wanted them to?

Can we love others for the sake of them, or is it only for our selves? Because if to love is only for our selves than that sort of tarnishes the concept a bit, that we could love another for them…is it possible? We all seem to crave this affection, attention, companionship and closeness, but why, does it serve an evolutionary purpose? Is the idea that we fall into eternal bliss? Seems unlikely, in a species which is still contingent upon our ability to reproduce, it seems more likely that love is a means by which we find the support necessary to work our way through the world and all that comes with it. This act, making it, surviving and thriving is important to our offspring and to the future of our species. Bliss puts us in the position where we feel compelled to mate, physically, and often emotionally. This is not that uncommon. We are in the game to survive, to improve and evolve.

Now that I have said all that, it is important to know that I am a hopeless romantic and truly adore the pains and euphoria’s of love. These peaks and valleys are where we learn the most and accept the most. Being in love is the greatest, and most costly ride of your life. Those that we need in our lives are often given to us, there and ready to be accepted should we choose to accept them, there are likewise those we don’t need, a true test of how well we know and understand ourselves and our needs. All relationships good and bad, have a message, a  gift to deliver. Our ability to think about the actions, the reactions, and the moments will allow us to accepts and enhance ourselves and others through the gifts and the lessons we have received. And to learn about ourselves is the greatest gift and challenge of all.

To be given the gift, be it through triumph or sorrow, to glean the desire to explore and analyze yourself is a fantastic. We, as people do not like to admit our fault or our shortcomings. It is painful, embarrassing involves great thought as to our character then and the way we want to be, and wanting to be anything else must come from within. The problem I see is that often people think that you have to make drastic changes and really re-evaluate who you are. I found that I am incredibly happy with who I am, but not so happy with how I have always chosen to express that person, or how I have chosen to communicate my thoughts and feelings with myself and others. And my desire to grow, to lear and grow is for me, and hopefully to the benefit of others, but initiated for me.

And as those I call family and loved ones have been burdened with much of the stress of my ill handling of myself, I can only hope for them a benefit as mature into a wiser person, a more in control, a more balance person. Through my thoughts and my feelings I have reconciled great weaknesses, and through my thoughts and my courage I have begun to confront those. And through my personal desire to be a better person, I have begun to make choices that directly affect how others, and how I experience myself, life and the world around.

So cheers to family, be them genetically connected or not, you are my family, and I thank you for your time and patience and love, and I pray I am able to better share in your life and return the kindness to you.

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